March 29, 2010

Asteya has been a very difficult concept for me to wrap my brain around as much as I've tried over the last week. Ahimsa was relatively straight forward as was satya. I could see how I wasn't practicing those two concepts in my life. It was easy to identify them and write about them. I think it was easier to see myself as doing them as it wasn't as broad a concept as 'don't steal.'

I think the immediate reaction from most people when they hear 'don't steal' is to think, 'well I don't so this should be easy.' It really is so much more then the Christian commandment I was brought up with. It shouldn't be taken at face value, it requires more reflection and thinking. I realize just how many changes I need to make to truly be practicing Asteya.

The main thing for me is not stealing from myself. I like to do it all, and I sometimes can over stretch myself. Sometimes it's really difficult to know where the priorities should lay and where I should maybe cut back a bit. I tend to go and go and then I'll collapse. When the collapse happens it means something suffers and it's usually sometime I deem important to my growth as a person. Then I'm robbing myself of this experience, or chance to study something or deepen my understanding of some area.

I think for me the main thing is I have to make some decisions about my schedule and really stick to them. I'm busy, and it means by the end of the day I don't have a lot of energy for studying. Eventually I want to go back to school which means I will be doing a lot more studying. So, I need to get in the habit now of not giving into the temptation of the television or computer or the entire evening. I need to be willing to shut those off and either study or go to bed early so I can get a fresh start in the morning.

Also, I tend to not stick to the bed time I promised myself. I realize I'm stealing energy from myself, both physical and mental. If I don't get a good nights rest then I can't do all that I need or want to the next day. So, I think the first step for me is to really make a good schedule that works and then stick to it. I need to be a little flexible with myself, but I need to try to stick to things more.